-Desertion-

Leaving the city

Drowning.

My lungs feel like they’re going to collapse.

My chest tightens.

Timing.

There never was enough time.

Everyone is gone.

I could have jumped off. I could have let this weight drag me forward and I wouldn’t be haunted by what I witnessed anymore. I wouldn’t need to wake up anymore. Maybe there’s no afterlife. I wouldn’t have to think anymore. I could keep my eyes closed. I could have just jumped. Maybe I should’ve. What would I see halfway through the fall? What would the view be?

I was frozen. And then I ran. Wasn’t sure where to or how, just that I needed to get away. Away from this. Towards the light at the end of tunnel.

I wish I could remember how I did it, but it’s all a blur.

People looked shocked. Confused. Scared. Angered. I pushed passed all of it. The noise. Murmuring. Maybe shouting. I could only hear a voice asking why I didn’t die while I had the chance. How I caused so much pain to everyone. How my freedom would forever condemn me to a miserable existence. I didn’t answer.

I’ve lost everything but I wasn’t happy enough to begin with.

I start wheezing.

My throat is burning.

I need to go home.